My friend was recently asked to lunch by a guy in her class. A debate began, discussing whether the coming meal should be considered a date or not. I tried to create a points system that someone could place on any questionably romantic rendezvous, and conclude whether it was a date, or not. Somewhere between the diversity of people and my mathematical ineptitude, this became impossible. So instead, I found a few simple things to look for and a few tips to make this distinction.

To the Gentlemen: Women always want to look their best, so it can be hard to tell if she is “dressed to impress.” That being said, notice if she has heels on. Also notice if her hair is done up nice, or thrown back in a hasty ponytail or bun. Most girls who are preparing for a date will put extra thought into hair and shoes. But with women, interaction is where you will find the difference between a date, and just hanging out as friends. There are three tells that should give away what she thinks about your convergence. One, is she making small talk, or asking personal questions? If she is asking about your passions, desires, and beliefs — things that make you, you — she is looking for a deeper relationship. Two, does she repeatedly make “incidental” physical contact? Just brushing by or touching hands can be emotional for a swooning girl. Those touches are her attempt to be close to you. Three, does she laugh at jokes you KNOW are stupid? Here’s a tip. Make one or two of these on purpose. If she erupts in boisterous laughter, you may have your answer.

To the Ladies: Where the big difference is in the way you act, you will find the difference in men is the way they present themselves. Is he wearing cologne? Is he wearing a collared shirt? Is he wearing pants (vs. shorts)? If you answer yes to all three, it’s a date! Unlike most women, men can go out with friends looking like crap and not care. But when he thinks he is going on a date, he will actually dust off the mirror and take a peek.

Now, regarding your interaction. Unfortunately, men have gotten out of the habit of treating you properly. Part of the reason men don’t open doors, pull out chairs or vehemently insist on paying for meals is because you don’t expect it anymore. You should! As a Christian, you are a daughter of the King. Demand to be treated like the princess you are. You should expect him to open your door. Wait for him to pull out your chair. Try offering to pay part of the check. A man worth your time won’t let you. If he isn’t willing to put out the effort to treat you properly, you deserve better. Here is a tip. If you are walking by a street or in a parking lot, walk on the inside (the traffic side). Notice if he intentionally moves himself between you and the street. That is an old-fashioned habit men have forgotten. The one that instinctively does that is the man who will protect you and take care of you, and a man who thinks you are worth the effort. That’s a keeper. Ladies, the last thing to look for is how he asks. If he has a specific date, place and time in mind, he has put some thought into it. If its more “we should do something sometime,” not so much.

I have intentionally left out the “I want it to be a date but don’t want him/her to know because I don’t want to scare him/her off” behavior. Please leave that where it belongs, in Junior High. It should also be noted that while intentions may vary, nothing on campus should be considered a date.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it should be noted people behave and interact very differently. These should be taken more as guidelines than actual rules. But pay attention. If you find yourself wondering if you are on a date or not, the difference is in the details.