I’ll be honest — the whole dating and romance conversation seems a little worn out to me. However, there is one piece of the conversation I think is missing — our understanding of singleness. At Biola we’re told to think biblically about everything, and we have a lot of room for improvement when it comes to thinking biblically about singleness.

CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE ON SINGLENESS 

“The Christian church in the West, unfortunately, does not seem to have maintained its grasp on the goodness of singleness. Instead it has labeled it ‘Plan B for the Christian life,’” said Timothy Keller in his book “The Meaning of Marriage.”

We are bombarded by love stories that tell us romance is the key to living happily ever after. These stories influence us deeply, elevating our concept of romance.

Because an exalted view of romantic love is so widespread, we must guard ourselves from believing marriage is the ultimate thing. If we idolize marriage, we will waste our single days dreaming about the love story we long for and waste our married days trying to make real life live up to our fantasies.

MARRIAGE IS NOT THE ONLY OPTION 

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is definitely a good thing. After all, the whole idea originated with God and reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. However, marriage isn’t the only option, and it isn’t the superior option. In Matthew 19, Jesus talks about those who renounce marriage because of the kingdom of heaven and says those “who can accept this should accept it.” In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says it is good for a man not to marry and actually refers to singleness as a gift from God. Do we actually believe it is a gift to be single?

Probably one of the more unattractive aspects of choosing singleness is the thought of going through life without a family. I wonder if the daunting nature of this thought might be addressed by a theology of the church as family that was not only read about in books, but also practiced in churches. What if single Christians could expect to build deep relationships with spiritual siblings in the context of a church family?
This is important because it is the church as a spiritual family that enables single Christians to engage in meaningful relationships in Christian community rather than living in isolation and loneliness. Both Jesus and Paul model this for us. Both of them renounced marriage for the kingdom and both of them were deeply invested in their spiritual brothers and sisters.

For those of you who will be single this Valentines Day, remember your singleness is a gift from God, even if it’s only for this season.