The last few weeks I have covered different types of boys for gals to avoid dating and guys to avoid becoming. It has been just as redemptive for me as I work through my past as a former Childish Chad and share with you insights from my personal testimony as well as wisdom I have gained from others.

This week, I am going to change course and write about some cornerstone qualities that women should aim for in their own lives.

I am going to preface this with some humor and humility: I am not a girl and I never will be. By God’s grace I may one day be able to understand them enough to honor them and marry someone with whom I will spend the rest of my life. I am not there yet, but I do know some things that godly men desire in a godly girl.

When seeking a man…

The top-down theory works. When buttoning a shirt, you need to make sure the top one is aligned correctly, because if you make a mistake along the way, you always have a reference to see how to fix it.

That top button in your life is God. Align your passions and life with His will, and even if you make a few mistakes along the way, you know where to look to make it right. Don’t become the type of girl Chad or Ricky want; become the woman God desires you to be.

Don’t be the girl who only has male friends. Girls always argue this with, “I get along with guys better. Girls are too (fill in the blank).” Guess what? You are a girl. You have those same issues.

If you run to your flock of guy friends for all your needs, you create emotional bonds to each and every one of them. Having a brother’s opinion is great, but if you get in the habit of only running to men, there’s a good chance you always will.

Marriage isn’t the save-all to your issues. If a man has an addiction to pornography, getting married and having sexual intimacy with his wife won’t cure it, so why do you think your issues will be overridden with marriage? Also, creating deep relationships with girls doesn’t happen overnight — you can’t assume you can pull deep, fulfilling friendships out of thin air.

You need to start building quality relationships so that they will actually have deep commitments to you. No guy wants a girl who says, “I think I want to go out Friday, but let me see if Johnny, Billy and Jack are available.” That does not cut it.

Don’t make your future boyfriend or husband your confirmation, but seek affirmation.

Affirmation is love and affection to help encourage you in life. Confirmation says, “Do this. Here’s why.” God uses people in our life to do both — but we, the body of Christ, should be seeking God first for confirmation for his will as it says in Proverbs 16. Too often, girls look to their boyfriends to help them define their lives. Guess what? We are all fallen. He does not know best. God does.

Girls, deal with the past before you start a future. There are hundreds of people at this campus who have gone through significant pain in their lives — sexual sins, abuse, molestation, eating disorders and many others. Relationships are a two-way street.

If you have had sex with someone, seek their forgiveness and forgive them. It is not just your fault — and it is not just his. There is responsibility with both, but by God’s grace there is forgiveness. If you have been abused, forgive them as it says to do in Matthew 18. You can’t carry heavy burdens into relationships and hope to be sanctified. Sanctification occurs at the foot of the cross and in God’s arms. Find people you trust —whether it is a pastor, sister in Christ or family member — and work through your past with them. Don’t let it haunt you by keeping it in the dark. Let the body of Christ surround you.

You want confidence in a man and he wants confidence from you. We all have our areas of insecurity and doubt, and yes, not all can be completely absolved in our life. However, find your identity in Christ before you seek a relationship. Find your God-given abilities and passions and get direction from him before you waltz into a relationship. Figuring out our own life is hard enough — don’t make your future boyfriend or husband do both.

I hope and pray that this reaches you in some ways. There are many other things of course, but ultimately, pray for God’s wisdom, love and encouragement, seek good counsel as Proverbs says, and be patient. Check out Proverbs 3 this week when you have a chance.