This week marks the 102nd birthday of this God-ordained University we Eagles call home. Biola has lived through a lot over the last century: World Wars, the invention of the cell phone and much more. So for standing the test of time and blessing us throughout, let’s return the favor and gear up for a week of birthday bashing and prepare to blow out those candles into year 103.
Day One
No party is complete without miles of streamers, confetti, awkward cone hats and of course several hundred vibrant balloons — only the best for Biola. For starters, let’s turn the entire campus into a blur of color and helium that will catch every airline pilot’s attentive eye. Not only will the birthday preparation be a blast in itself, the aftermath (including legions of streamer mummies and the choir of helium voices) should provide just as much raw entertainment. Besides, who wouldn’t enjoy an orchestra of birthday kazoos playing from Sigma to Hart?
Day Two
Though the fainthearted may commonly lump our next item in with the decorations, I prefer to give it its very own day. After all, the piñata is the highlight of every young child’s birthday, and so it should be for all of us old children as well. Perhaps a piñata at every dorm, each representing a rival school’s mascot (the cougar is mine) and filled to bursting with Smarties, free flex dollars, and chocolates in the shape of the Biola eagle.
Day Three
Calling all bakers! The world record for largest birthday cake currently sits at a whopping 130,000 pounds, a number so measly that Biola could top it with one spatula behind its back. Therefore, in the spirit of competition, let’s aim for an even 100 tons, all of which Biola will proceed to wolf down in under 24 hours. Diving boards and skis should also be permitted, providing the opportunity for a little Winter Olympics exhibition. Though keep in mind the supernatural blessing brought in those five simple icing letters, B-I-O-L-A, and avoid them at all costs.
Day Four
Somewhere in our birthday party pasts, we’ve all played some variation or another of the ageless pastime known as Pin the Tail On the Donkey. Biola is switching it up and returning to another memorable classic: Pin-the-Mustache-On-DBC. If you’ve never tried sticking a custom-cut paper mustache to a life-sized poster of our fearless president’s glorious face, you have yet to live. Whether you go with the standard handlebar or the more exotic Fu Manchu style, Biola’s Commander in Chief will only continue to increase in dashing good looks. Just try to avoid Hitler ‘staches — not a good match for authority figures in general.
Day Five
With Biola’s wide range of eclectic musical gifts, be it guitar-shredding, flute-whistling or cowbell-banging, the 102nd Happy Birthday Biola ballad ought to rock the foundations of Metzger and possibly topple the bell tower itself. Throw in a gospel choir and the King’s Men, plus a lead beatboxing performance by Dr. Barry Corey himself, and we may just have ourselves a chart-topping single. No musical talent whatsoever? At least try to pick up the intricately challenging tune with a whistle or a hum.
Weekend
Naturally, every young birthday boy/girl spends most of their party waiting with baited breath and jittery hands for the traditional gift-opening ceremony. In a similar community spirit, all Biola undergrads and professors are hereby advised by Day-by-Day to acquire a simple white elephant gift and to exchange it with a complete stranger (on campus or off) in the name of Biola. Be it a teapot, a medieval sword, or a box of polished rocks, let your incomparable generosity reflect the true bounteousness of this institution.
