Struggling to pass that theology class? Barely scraping by in English 110? Wondering how to get better than a D- in Beginner Bowling? Prepare to swoop your way up to straight As with ease, using a few easy tricks to get in your professor’s good graces. Take on class the Day-by-Day way, and you’ll be on the Dean’s List by Spring.
Day One
Like all living human beings, Biola professors have a culinary weak spot hidden somewhere behind their desks and stacks of term papers. Try starting with something generic and sure to please: fresh brownies and a caramel macchiato or a pitcher of ice-cold strawberry lemonade. Then deftly hone in on your prof’s secret craving: perhaps a peanut butter and banana sandwich with the crusts cut off. Transform the traditional apple-on-the-desk into a gourmet apple cobbler and let all the crumbly, cinnamon-packed goodness spell your way to perfect marks.
Day Two
Though it may be initially challenging, devote your life to finishing projects and papers way before deadline. Pound out that 15-page essay two weeks before it’s due and casually turn it in a week ahead of time. Caution: Do not look or act like you’ve just forgotten the actual due date, and thereby risk looking like a fool. Instead, remark offhandedly, “Oh, I had some extra time and felt inspired to write this life-changing composition.” Game. Set. Match.
Day Three
Only one thing matters more to a Biola teacher than their gaggle of promising young students: the loveable and adorable family waiting at home. Consequently, there is no faster way onto their good side than through the constant praise of their closest kin. Compliment their spouse’s new hairstyle, suave fashion sense, maybe even exceptional taste in lampshades. Most importantly, point out on every occasion the irresistible cuteness of their children, using terms like “angels,” “bright stars of the future,” and “raised by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.”
Day Four
Professors have a larger and more complicated workload than even the busiest student can comprehend, and would often give an arm and a leg for someone with initiative, leadership, and resourcefulness. Be the first to volunteer for the smallest tasks, lead study sessions, ask deep, penetrating questions in class, and even go as far as offering to wash your prof’s car or babysit their kids. Hey, any and every little contribution throughout the semester could make or break that perfect GPA.
Day Five
In the name of all things sanctified, do not sit against the back wall doodling and Facebooking. An old Chinese proverb teaches, “He who sits in the front of class gets straight A’s.” Alright, so I made that one up. The point is, sitting in the front row and contemplating the PowerPoint as if it were Michelangelo’s “David” is a key move in impressing your prof. Add some frequent nodding and furious note-scribbling and your obvious passion for the class will transform into perfect grades in no time.
Day Six
Use break times and even a few minutes after class to have friendly chats with your profs. Bring up their sports team’s recent success, the simple elegance of their tie, the growth you’ve experienced in their class and maybe even a good joke or two. Example: A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?” Buh-duh-bum. The point is, be relaxed and humorous, and you’ll win a bump in points without fail.
