The Friday before Halloween my friends and I were arguing over what movie to watch. The yellow light from our jack-o-lanterns flickered on the patio, and the pumpkin guts beneath our fingernails hadn’t dried before we were heating mugs of Trader Joe’s cider. We all had agreed to watch a movie. The problem was we couldn’t agree on which movie. And the trick with picking a Halloween movie goes beyond scares and creeps. It’s about moods and tone, color and themes.
But forget that pretentious dribble. I wanted to watch “The Shining,” the scariest and best movie ever made. Five years ago I was awake at two in the morning with the movie, alone with my headphones and Samsung portable DVD player. Up to that point, the scariest movie I had seen was “E.T.” Maybe it was Stanley Kubrick’s dizzy shots. Maybe it was Shelley Duvall’s crazed Buscemi eyes. Whatever it was, “The Shining” indoctrinated me to the horror. And I wanted to experience it again.
My friends turned it down. Then they shot down “Rosemary’s Baby” because of the kooky old folks and rejected “The Ring” because of its flat characters and cliché creepy kid. Annoyed that my friends were right, I hacked apart Tim Burton over “Corpse Bride” and said Jerry Goldsmith’s score was the only terrifying thing about “The Omen.” The cider was getting cold and “The Sixth Sense” lost in a five-to-three vote. We would have settled for “The Cabin in the Woods,” but Gerry watched that the night before.
“Alien”? No sci-fi.
“Let the Right One In”? Good, but not for Halloween.
“28 Days Later”? Didn’t we watch that last year?
“Attack the Block”? NO SCI-FI!
The microwave beeped and we put on “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” — the greatest Halloween family movie — allowing us 25 minutes to shove Redenbacher popcorn in our mouths and postpone a decision. My film opinions are strong, and I sympathized with Linus as everyone ignored his beliefs. I imagined myself on a stage giving awards for Halloween movies. My choices would blow up blogs and trend on Twitter as people praised and blasted my judgements. I bit into a cookie and made my list.
Most Laughs Per Body Count: “Shaun of the Dead”
I’ve never laughed harder as someone’s intestines were ripped out of their body.
Most Classic: “Nosferatu”
A popular choice to project on the walls at Halloween parties.
Best Left In The Past: “Hocus Pocus”
I loved this movie as a kid. And I’m glad to leave it at that.
Best Horror Sequel: “Evil Dead 2”
Chainsaw limbs and crazy trees makes it one of the few good horror sequels. And its funny.
“Where Did My Fingernails Go?” anxiety award: “The Shining”
Duh.
“What Did I Just Watch?” Award: “House”
A bizarre Japanese haunted house movie where kids are attacked by vicious cats and cheesy 1970s effects.
Most Overrated Halloween Movie: “The Nightmare Before Christmas”
No number of goth kids can save this flawed movie that’s misattributed as a Tim Burton directed film. It’s not bad, just overrated.
So Dated It’s Bad: “The Exorcist”
It used to be scary. Now it’s an over-the-top circus with bad theology.
So Dated It’s Good: “The Thing”
Adding to the niche tradition of sci-fi horror, the special effects make this film both indulging and horrific.
Best Movie for a Candy Hangover: “The Holiday”
Jack Black is perfect for a November afternoon as you try to get into the Christmas spirit after waking from a insulin-induced stupor.
“Charlie Brown” was over and Linus was still wrong. The movie debate continued with Hitchcock’s “Psycho” and “The Birds.” The room grew cold before the heater kicked in. People refilled their cider. Someone suggested “Batman Begins” and the room became silent. It was a surprising — but perfect — Halloween pick. It got me thinking. I quietly suggested “Pan’s Labyrinth” and, again, the room was in silent agreement.
It was late by the time “Pan’s Labyrinth” started. Some of my friends hadn’t seen the movie, but the subtitles, dim lights and heated room only put them to sleep. I glanced around and saw one other friend awake. We locked eyes and laughed. It was late so I got up and left her watching the movie. Outside, the wind wasn’t as cold as I wished it to be, but I pinched my coat anyways. I headed home as the jack-o-lantern’s dying candles crackled faint applause, haunting the street, praising my movie picks.
