“How’s your rotation going?” This was Matthew Hooper’s opening phrase — the opening phrase — that launched the start of what is now a marriage celebrating ten years and three beautiful children.

Matthew Hooper, a Biola (’94) and Talbot (’01) graduate and the current associate dean of students, has been working with the Biola student body since his first year as an RA during his time as a grad student. After two years as a resident assistant, he accepted the position of resident director — a position that he would fill for three years before accepting the role of Residence Life director and one that would introduce him to his future wife, Sheela (’03).

“You’re going to marry him”

Let’s go back in time about 13 years. It’s September; the year is 2000. Matthew, 30 at the time, had just begun his role as an RD in Stewart, and Sheela, a 24-year-old student, had just transferred into the Biola nursing program and was living in Sigma Chi.

“So I transferred into the nursing program and one of the gals in my class, she said, ‘Sheela, you need to meet Matthew Hooper, you’re going to marry him,’” Sheela Hooper said.

Matthew’s RAs, unbeknownst to Sheela, were also encouraging their boss to introduce himself to this new transfer student. At this point, a curious Matthew Hooper admits he began looking for Sheela around campus.

Pursuit at Eagles Nest

Ironically enough, Hooper mentioned his first actual encounter with his wife was just outside of Eagles Nest, the very place we sat during our conversation.

“It was actually right outside the Eagles Nest that I saw her walk out … she was in her nursing outfit, and I saw her name badge,” Matthew Hooper said. “She walked over actually by Common Grounds. So, I was going into a one-on-one with an RA and so I’m like, ‘Hey, what do you think about us sitting over here?’ So I moved my one-on-one meeting appointment close to the table where she was at, because I’m thinking, if I can strike up a conversation at one point … I’m going to do that.”

When Matthew’s RA, who was in on the whole plot, left to grab some food, Matthew seized his chance and struck up a conversation with the other girl at Sheela’s table, a friend of his. That Wednesday afternoon was merely the beginning.

The very next day, Sheela recalls studying in Common Grounds with the same friend, when Matthew again walked in and began an engaging conversation that lasted a good 45 minutes.

One thing Sheela remembers was Matthew’s intentionality. At the end of that 45-minute conversation, Matthew was deliberate in making sure he would see Sheela again.

“I had spent a year in Austria … he had already figured this out ahead of time, but he was like… ‘I’d love to hear about your time in Europe, would you like to have coffee sometime?’ And I said, ‘Sure.’ And he said, ‘How about this weekend?’ I’m like, ‘Sure.’ He’s like, ‘How about Sunday?’ ‘Okay.’ ‘How about Sunday at four?’ Sheela said.

Matthew confirmed this conversation.

“I was just thinking that if I don’t initiate, nothing will move in terms of our relationship,” Matthew said.

“Friendship with a twist”

Starbucks marks the spot of their very first hang-out and time of really getting to know each other. After their time of chatting and having coffee, Matthew invited Sheela to the service he had planned on attending that evening in Calvary Chapel. The Hoopers were married there two years later.

From that point on, Matthew resolved not to call Sheela on the phone, but wanted to make it a point to spend time with her face-to-face instead. Almost every week or two weeks, Matthew remembers initiating different ways to spend time with Sheela in group settings, and after each he would already have the next event planned. Matthew wanted to clearly communicate to Sheela his intentional pursuit of her friendship, what he called their ‘friendship with a twist.’

“I didn’t contact him at all in that getting to know each other stage, he was totally the initiator. I wasn’t initiating anything, which was really nice,” Sheela said.

Things get official

On Jan. 1, 2001, Matthew and Sheela decided to officially begin their relationship; however, they avoided using the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” What’s more, they resolved not to kiss until they began seriously discussing marriage, an important physical line they drew early on in their relationship. Matthew said this line was helpful for making their relationship more focused on growing their friendship.

On their first official date, walking from Newport to Balboa Pier, Matthew explained to Sheela his intent in exclusively dating her. It also introduced another important element that became a staple in their relationship. Every Wednesday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., Matthew and Sheela would spend time walking slowly through Creek Park, talking and spending quality time together.

On Valentine’s Day of that same year, about six weeks into their dating relationship, Matthew asked to hold Sheela’s hand for the first time and call her his “girlfriend.” Seven months into their relationship, they began to talk seriously about marriage at the inquiring of many mutual friends. That night, on Sheela’s parents’ couch, they discussed marriage, and Matthew asked Sheela if he could kiss her for the first time. A few months later, about a year into their relationship, on that same couch, he first used the words “I love you,” and explained to Sheela what exactly he meant by that phrase.

On April 5, 2002, Matthew proposed, and two years after they first began dating, on Jan. 3, 2003, Matthew and Sheela were married in Calvary Chapel.

Getting the green light

While many might view this as quite an unorthodox romance, being that he was an RD and Sheela was a student, the Biola student handbook disagrees.

“Dating relationships between faculty and students not currently enrolled in their classes, or between supervisors and subordinates or student workers, are generally deemed unwise,” it states.

But even with this clause to defend his case, Matthew made sure to get the green light to pursue Sheela from his boss at the time, dean of students Danny Paschall.  Because Sheela was not a Stewart resident or an RA, their relationship was deemed acceptable.

Words of advice

The Hoopers both expressed the importance of their ages in relation to their story. Because they were both a bit older, they were able to discuss their future plans in an accurate context and knew where and to what God was calling each of them individually.

“Many times, why people don’t take their time is they’re trying to get deeper needs met in a romantic relationship that aren’t intended to be met in that relationship … don’t try to meet your needs through romance, there are other ways, and that requires trusting God with what you need,” Matthew said.

They also voiced how imperative it is to be intentional in developing healthy, deep friendships, and to take things slowly in the process of any relationship.

“I think number one is the best marriages seem to be grounded in good friendship … Try to be the best possible friend you can be to the opposite sex,” Matthew said. “And take your time, you will not regret taking your time in a romantic relationship.”

Sheela echoed this advice.

“Be intentional,” she said. “Be appropriate in what you share. Keep that with everything: your spiritual, emotional, physical. Keep all of that at a slow, steady pace, to not rush into any of those … pacing makes a big difference.”