Phrases like the “Bridal” Institute of Los Angeles and “ring by spring” are often casually thrown around as a response to the number of Biola students who find themselves walking away from Biola with more than just a degree.

It makes sense, though. Biola is a community of young men and women who love Jesus. For the most part, they are all around the same age and care about the same things –– whether they have a heart for missions, music or social action, just to name a few. With roughly 5,000 Christian young people massed in the same place, it is inevitable that there are going to be a few marriages to come out of it.

Pressure to be marriable

Being that it is around the time of Valentine’s Day, and Cupid’s arrows are aiming with both bull’s eyes and misfires, there is one question that keeps coming to mind: why is there so much pressure surrounding relationships?

Pressure to date. Pressure to go on GYRADs. Pressure to be what the Biola community defines as “marriage material.” Even pressure to get engaged before graduation.

Men and the pressure to pursue

So what about Biola men? How do they feel about their role as the pursuer?

Emerson resident assistant and junior psychology major Ben Longinow said, “I think there is unspoken pressure to find that one person at Biola. With so many friends in new relationships, some guys are like ‘I feel like I need to find a girlfriend now.’” He also said that many Biola guys feel the pressure to find someone at Biola because once they graduate, there won’t be nearly as many Christian women around.

Dating shouldn’t be students’ main focus

Communications professor Dr. Muehlhoff said that this idea is honestly the result of immaturity and naivety. “Is Biola a great place to meet people? Yes, but there are more important things,” he said. He also said that students should focus on education and investing time into same-sex relationships that can exist post-Biola.

Muehlhoff said that most people have yet to meet their spouse at Biola, and are most likely to meet someone in church, their local community or the workplace. He met his wife, Noreen when they were both on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ.

Some Biola women, most of whom subscribe to the pursued role, have expressed a frustration towards Biola men who they believe to be apathetic.

Delayed adulthood leads to switched gender roles

Biblical studies professor Erik Thoennes said during last week’s relationship panel that adolescence is being extended. As a result, it appears that there are college students who still act like they are in high school.

Because of this, some Biola women have felt the need to step up into the role of pursuer and to help the man make a decision. When asked if he knew about guys who felt pressured to propose before graduation, Longinow said that he knew of some guys whose girlfriends offered them ultimatums: propose or break up.

Appreciating life’s seasons

Muehlhoff also commented on this matter of immaturity and apathy, and affirmed Thoennes’ statement that adolescence is being extended, but also added that that most students, even at Biola, are not ready yet for marriage. He emphasized the importance of being aware of individual seasons of life, such as a season of dating and a season of singleness.

“Singleness is the single greatest thing you can offer to God,” Thoennes said, placing an emphasis on the necessity to grow in maturity, which is characterized by “good communication and social skills.”

We were made for intimacy. It was part of original design. It is a reflection of Jesus’ desire for his Bride (that’s us, Biola). God knows exactly what the best is for us. He knows when is the best time, much better than we ever could. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you are going to make in your life, so take your time. Ladies, take delight in being pursued, and men, you have permission to step up and pursue. It’s a good thing.