This year’s Torrey Conference had an excellent theme. It was broad, widely applicable, and pertinent to our time. I felt that I learned how to better interact with my brothers and sisters in the church; however, one thing did trouble me. No speaker ever addressed the idea that, in certain situations, conflict might be necessary. Many of the sessions focused on avoiding conflicts in relationships and in the church, but based on the life of Christ himself, it is apparent that sometimes we need to both disagree and not back down.

Problems cannot be denied

The speakers at the conference left no room for a godly conflict. The Bible teaches that Christ himself felt righteous indignation. He did not wander into the temple and, upon viewing the merchants, sit down to discuss a contract about when the temple would be for worship and when it would be for commerce. He marched in and sent those tables flying! This is, obviously, not the default reaction that we should have, but there was no compromise to be found. The merchants were wrong.

There is a clear rebuttal to this argument — we are not Christ. But we are taught to imitate him. In our church, if we see a member or leader acting in a way that is contrary to the Word of God, we ought not stand aside in the name of peacemaking. We should, of course, attempt to pursue the situation with caution and with love. But no matter how we might attempt to reconcile a problem, it is a problem all the same.

Not all conflicts can be resolved

Tim Pollard showed two corresponding videos. Each began with the same marital argument about vacation, with one ending in strife and the other in compromise. On a trivial subject like vacation, compromise was the correct path. Not all matters are so easily dismissed. While we should always listen to one another, be considerate and compromise whenever possible, sometimes there is a right and a wrong.

Some issues are bigger than a simple give-and-take solution. While the Bible makes it very clear that divorce is wrong, I put forth that in other relationships it is sometimes the right decision to cut off contact. No argument should ever spin out of control and leave the parties involved embittered and ignoring each other, but two mature people can realize that their relations are not benefiting themselves or God, and so they depart with a sad smile, a handshake and a farewell.

The speakers also conveyed grief over church turmoil. Yes, it’s always heartbreaking to see strife among the people of God. But, where would the church be if Martin Luther had refused to take a hard line, pin up his theses and stand up for his convictions? Disagreement does not have to be an assault. Confrontation is one of the ways we can watch out for one another. There may come a time when a church needs to split. If the members disagree on fundamental aspects of theology, no amount of mature discussion is going to fix that.

Scripture provides model for resolving conflict

The Bible does not leave us without a process by which to approach problems in the church. Matthew 18:15-17 gives us the steps to approach our brothers and sisters in Christ when they have sinned against us. It instructs us to go to them in private, and if unsuccessful go to them with witnesses, and finally as a church. Pollard mentioned this, but only in passing. If we need to sit down and have a serious talk with a husband, church leader, girlfriend, or any other person because they are doing something against what God teaches, it does not mean we have poor reconciliation skills.

It seems that, based on their messages, the speakers at Torrey Conference would consider that a failure. The simple fact is that, while ideal, compromise is not always a possibility. This is a symptom of our fallen human condition. It may be unfortunate, but it would be more unfortunate if in an attempt to avoid all conflict, we began to falter in our convictions about what is right.