SETTING: The administrative office of the New Landing Zoo.
AT RISE: SUSIE, wearing a zebra-striped garment with matching glasses enters stage frantically busy, followed by LYNETTE, a newly hired employee, dressed in outdoor gear.
SUSIE: Wait here. I’ll rally the pack?
LYNETTE: Is this the Dr. Williams’ office?
SUSIE: Yes. What was your name again?
LYNETTE: Lynette.
SUSIE: How ironic (as she exits).
(Susie exits. Lynette is alone briefly.)
LYNETTE: What’s ironic? Hmmm. The Dr. Williams’ office. (reading plaques). “Audubon Award 1998 for his work in Ornithology.” “Windsor Castle Award 2001.”
(DR. WILLIAMS, enters with PARROT, a person pretending to be a bird “perched” on Dr. Williams’ arm. Dr. Williams is wearing a very distinctive baseball cap that has a flurry of feathers coming out of it. Parrot is a man or woman, adorned in a very distinct, colorful shirt. “Perched” can be played out any way that creates the idea of a bird perched on an arm.)
WILLIAMS: Who are you?
LYNETTE: I’m —
PARROT: Ahhhk. She’s new, she’s new!
LYNETTE: Yes, actually, I am new. Today is –
WILLIAMS: (shouting out) ZUZZIIIEE.
(Susie enters. Lynette slowly soaks in that Parrot talks as if it is part of the conversation.)
LYNETTE: Zuzie? I thought her name was Su—
SUSIE: Yes, Doc Flock. We have time (petting Parrot).
WILLIAMS: — I had no warning —
LYNETTE: (under her breath) Doc Flock?
SUSIE: (To Lynette) We use nicknames. (To Williams) It’s been on your calendar since the 14th.
LYNETTE: That’s when they offered me this job.
(Parrot is moved between Williams and Susie at various times for emphasis.)
WILLIAMS: But my time!
SUSIE: Don’t lose a feather over this.
PARROT: (Looking at itself) Feathers? Where?
SUSIE: It’s fall; we have to do the Ceremony of Fall, and we need to start — I’m sorry, what is your name again?
LYNETTE: Lynette —
WILLIAMS: How ironic!
PARROT: Ackk. Ironic.
LYNETTE: What’s ironic?
WILLIAMS: Then let’s get —
SUSIE: — we’re waiting for Buffalo and Goa —
(BUFFALO, a big man wearing all brown, and GOAT, a man or woman who constantly eats, enter the stage.)
BUFFALO: No need to worry — big reliable Buffalo is here.
GOAT: Oh brother.
(As dialogue ensues, they all stretch out a human sized net and a chair down center stage.)
WILLIAMS: Okay, Buffalo, grab that end, Zuzie, you are over there.
PARROT: Fall falls. Ahhk.
LYNETTE: Will someone tell me what’s going on since it’s my first day here?
SUSIE: You’ll see.
PARROT: Fall falls. Ahhk.
(Everyone is now in position holding a net at the end of a chair.)
SUSIE: (to everyone) Fall ready!
WILLIAMS: (ceremonial) This is our newest member of the pack here at New Landing Zoo, uh…
SUSIE: — Lynette —
WILLIAMS: — Lynette. Really?
GOAT: How ironic?
PARROT: Ack. Ironic.
LYNETTE: What’s ironic?
BUFFALO: (to goat) Will you please stop crunching.
WILLIAM: Lynette, we are all family. We are entrusted to care for God’s creations every day. We work with God’s seasons of change and renewal.
SUSIE: Lynette —
GOAT: (putting food in his mouth). How ironic.
LYNETTE: What’s so iron—
SUSIE: — stand on the chair.
(Lynette hesitantly stands on chair and she starts to become aware of what the net is)
SUSIE: Buffalo!
BUFFALO: Sorry. To build the trust of the pack here at New Landing and to build trust with the creations we protect, this is a ceremony we do every Fall. The newest member is always the one that falls.
LYNETTE: Falls?
PARROT: Fall falls. Ahhk. The net calls.
(Lynette gets off the chair.)
LYNETTE: No one in HR told me about this stunt.
BUFFALO: It’s not a stunt. It’s a rite of passage.
LYNETTE: Rite of passage? What are we, the Cheyenne on the Plains?
BUFFALO: Oh, how they loved the buffalo!!
GOAT: Don’t get him started on buffalos.
(Buffalo and Goat squabble.)
SUSIE: Listen, Lynette —
LYNETTE: Now I see why my name is ironic. You want me to fall into this net and what? You are going to catch me?
PARROTT: Fall falls. Ahhk. The net calls.
WILLIAMS: (He whistles a certain bird call and everyone goes silent) Thank you. Lynette, it is that simple. I know it sounds trite, like something you do in a psych major class, but it works. We have different ceremonies for different seasons, and this is the one we do for the autumn. We choose the newest member and that person falls into the net, and we catch them. It creates trust, reliance, and bonding.
GOAT: (eating) That’s poetic, Doc Flock.
WILLIAMS: Thank you, Goat. Now can you please stop eating so we can get through this without the sound of food wrapping?
GOAT: Sorry.
SUSIE: Lynette, get back on the chair.
Lynette looks around then slowly gets back on the chair.
LYNETTE: I can’t believe I’m about to plummet into a net held by strangers!
PARROT: Ackk. Stranger. Where??
WILLIAMS: We won’t be strangers after you trust us with your fall.
(A long silence. Then Lynette falls and they catch her in the net. They all shout with joy. )
Curtain.
