As Christian women in academics, female Biola students may find themselves struggling to reconcile career goals with their spiritual community — not because these two things are irreconcilable, but because we’ve seen a steep increase in Christian social media influencers supporting the “tradwife” trend and advocating its lifestyle. This trend has been the product of polarized reactions, ranging from excitement to support to claims of the return of female oppression and abuse. So, what is the tradwife trend, and how should young Christian women go about addressing it?
WHAT IS A TRADWIFE?
The “tradwife” or “traditional wife” is typically defined as the idyllic mid-twentieth century woman, whose primary concerns are childcare and homemaking while her husband remains the breadwinner of the family. Parents.com refers to the tradwife as a “married woman who embraces traditional gender roles.” Some women have been elated by the rise of this movement, stating that women who prefer traditional gender roles have finally been gaining exposure and awareness in an increasingly individualistic society. However, the movement has also come under fire from women who claim that it is discouraging women from pursuing higher education and careers, reverting them back to a time in which women didn’t have resources or reasonable accessibility to these life paths.
The tradwife has recently become a popular (and controversial) social media trend in which these women film, curate and post their day-to-day lives online. These influencers typically film themselves cooking, homemaking, spending time with their children and do not work outside the home. However, ironically, their accounts are usually monetized through views and hundreds of thousands of followers.
There are pros and cons to the popularization of the tradwife lifestyle, as it sends a variety of mixed messages to young women that can easily become toxic. On the contrary, several of these tradwives have come under fire for no reason seemingly other than the fact that they’re tradwives.
THE IMPACT OF TRADWIFE INFLUENCERS
Estee Williams is a young woman who posts Instagram videos giving advice to young women and also showcasing her lifestyle. While a majority of her profile seems geared toward her day-to-day life and her mid-twentieth-century fashion choices, she often takes the time to explain more about what it means to be a tradwife.
In December 2023, Williams posted a video advising women on “how to attract “masculine provider men.” Her first tip was “Do not seek out a man. Let the man pursue you, and you receive,” and continued to say that “it is our [women’s] job to receive.” She also said that in order to be approachable by these men, women must be “feminine, fit, and friendly” — avoiding casual clothing such as sweatpants and fitness wear. She also encouraged “feminine jobs” such as nannying, babysitting, teaching and nursing, saying “a lot of these men are really attracted to … women who are doing more feminine-like jobs.”
At first glance, a lot of these claims are overtly alarming. There is a clear push toward being stereotypically feminine, with Williams implying that feminine women will attract a male provider. What she essentially does with this content is create a tradwife stereotype, advising young women that the only way to fit into this mold is to fix one’s appearance and gear their entire lifestyle a certain way. It does not open doors for there to be tradwives of all shapes and sizes, and it seemed to be a very strict regime in order to play the part. Technically, a woman would be able to wear comfortable clothing and work a supposed “non-feminine job” and still be a tradwife. Williams’ version of a tradwife seems like less of a gender role or lifestyle and more of a very constrictive persona that she tries to embody.
Additionally, it’s common for people to associate many of these behaviors with domestic abuse, not only because they can create a sense of superiority for the man in the relationship, but it is also a lifestyle associated with the mid-twentieth century era in which women had less rights.
Meanwhile, one of the most popular tradwife influencers, Hannah Neeleman (A.K.A “Ballerina Farm”) is a former Julliard ballerina who married Daniel Neeleman (son of David Neeleman, the founder of JetBlue Airways) just a few months after meeting. The couple eventually settled on a farm in Utah, where Hannah raises their eight children and showcases her life of homesteading via social media. Hannah has gained a massive following for her traditional lifestyle, though some aspects have raised concerns.
Of her eight children, six were birthed naturally with no epidural (some have pointed out that the epidural occurred only when Daniel was not present for the birth). There have also been concerns over rumors of Hannah suffering from extreme exhaustion. Additionally, the LA Times reported that a Sunday Times journalist claimed that during an interview with the couple, Daniel was constantly correcting all of Hannah’s responses to the reporter’s questions. Hannah has been appalled by the criticism over their lifestyle, claiming that there is no abuse or oppression within their marriage: she has pursued this lifestyle with freedom of choice.
Given the fact that women have far more rights in the modern day than in previous decades, there is a high chance that many women simply desire to have this role without feeling oppressed. That being said, there is a fine line between wanting to be a tradwife and portraying a sense of superiority over single, perhaps more career-oriented women. Secondly, these women’s lives are carefully curated for audiences via social media, and there is no way for us to completely ascertain the true nature of their marriages (not to mention that they benefit financially from these social media platforms).
THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE TRADWIFE TREND
One of the primary negatives of the tradwife trend, as with any other popular concept on social media, is that it is simply advertised and curated to grab our attention. These accounts, with hundreds of thousands of followers, are monetized and designed to act as a sort of reality show. While these women claim to live a more “traditional lifestyle,” they film and edit their daily lives for a massive online audience. Though she advertises a simple and modest lifestyle on their Utah farm, Hannah Neeleman’s husband has a net worth of $6 million. We, as viewers on the other side of the screen, don’t really know what their lives are like. Thus allegations of abuse and oppression against Neeleman’s marriage are purely speculative; we have no idea what their life is like beyond the camera.
Beyond the digital aspect, the tradwife controversy is simply the modern-day woman question. Society has always grappled with the question of what a woman is or is supposed to be. It’s not often that you see men arguing back and forth on social media about what their role in the home is. Women have always struggled with this, and women have also struggled to accept that there is no definitive role for them. Some women will be tradwives and some will be career women. Some will be career women while also being mothers and wives. We, as a society, have been consistently trying to define a woman into something that fits easily into a mold.
This is one of the dangers of the tradwife trend: the idea that you have to build a homestead, milk your own cows and wear long dresses while caring for numerous children in order to be a tradwife. These influencers are straining to put on a show, with some of them even giving instructions to young women about how to become just like them. The tradwife is slowly turning into a persona rather than simply a choice.
However, there are misconceptions that go both ways. I think there’s an idea that career-oriented women are victims of an increasingly individualistic culture. The issue lies in the fact that if a woman’s passion is to raise children, she is considered selfless and nurturing. However, if another woman’s passion is to pursue an education and career, then she is self-centered and prideful. There is also a stereotype that a woman cannot have a passion for both a career and a family. I’ve been told that there’s no way on earth I could have a career and be a good mother — which is odd since I’ve never heard someone tell a man that they couldn’t have a career and be a good father. At the same time, if a woman prefers simply to raise a family, then she comes under severe scrutiny and speculation of being oppressed by her husband. Supporters of the tradwife trend have claimed that it’s opened up a space for women to pursue a traditional lifestyle in an increasingly individualistic society.
THE TRADWIFE FROM A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE
Furthermore, many of these influencers are also Christians, making this trend incredibly relevant to female Biola students. These influencers often tie these gender roles back to the Bible and their desire to “submit” to their husband. Is the notion of a tradwife biblical? More importantly, is not adhering to this lifestyle somehow anti-biblical?
I think the first thing to remember is that nowhere in the Bible does it say any person’s highest calling is that of marriage. While marriage is a beautiful thing, it is simply meant to be a relationship modeled after Christ’s love for his people. Every relationship, romantic or not, is meant to be reminiscent of Christ’s love.
1 Corinthians 7 addresses those who are married and those who are unmarried as completely equal. In Matthew 19:11-12, Jesus deems celibacy and living an unmarried life to be completely acceptable. Our highest calling is not to be married; it is to love others and love Christ.
That being said, there has been speculation and bitterness coming from both sides of the tradwife trend. Career women have been tearing down tradwife women for embracing a traditional lifestyle, while tradwife women accuse career women of being individualistic and self-centered. Regardless of whether you choose to be a stay-at-home mom, a single woman or a working mother, there is no mold that a woman has to fit into that will allow them to achieve the superior calling of loving like Christ.
