Okay, so we have all done it, let’s just get that out of the way and admit our guilt. We’ve all commandeered a large table in the Eagle’s Nest with only our backpack or laptop as company and stayed there as a group of people disgustedly stares at us incredulously, and we pretend not to notice. Realistically when we do this, we are being inconsiderate and I’ll go out on a limb here, pretty dang jerky.
Consider the entire [poorly estimated] population of Biola: 5,200 students, about 250 faculty and 1,000 or so staff – that is around 6,500 people. Now consider the physical dimensions of the Eagle’s Nest. The fire code is maybe 90 people total. There is one seat for every 69 people! The probability of getting a seat in the Eagle’s Nest is 1.13 percent. The raw data basically shows that the Eagle’s Nest is tiny!
When one person takes a table that is meant for five people, that person displaces four other potential seats. You may tell yourself (to assuage your crushing guilt), “no bigs, they can have the rest of the chairs,” but come on, you know those chairs can’t fit anywhere else!
So, this really terrible math is to set the scene for some very gracious rules of etiquette that I think could drastically improve the dining experience at our beloved Eagle’s Nest. When approaching this subject let’s operate on the idea of the “greater good,” or the “brotherhood of man,” or a “social contract” or whatever fits how you roll. I really want to impress the idea of being considerate, but in the modern age – I know we’re not living in a Jane Austen novel.
To start, let’s make this only relevant during lunch time, 11:30a.m.-1:30 p.m. just to catch everyone dining. See, I’m not unreasonable!
During these times, the primary function of the Eagle’s Nest is to serve food. So right off the bat, we get some rules.
Rule 1: No studying in the Eagle’s Nest during lunchtime. Seriously folks, on top of being inconsiderate, it is probably the worst environment to read or write. Next time you need to do some work (check facebook), head to the Library; there’s room to sprawl! Take up a whole study room – I haven’t made rules for that yet!
Now, let’s attempt to maximize our table usage.
Rule 2: Three or more people at round tables. The round tables are prime for large groups. You can squeeze upwards of six or seven people around them with enough room to not be in each other’s laps. Large groups ought to trump the individual during lunchtime strictly because of efficiency.
Rule 3: Two people or more at the rectangular tables. Know we all have bags and backpacks, so the extra seats are great for baggage. But, one person at these larger tables is still inconsiderate of a smaller group or a pair of people. They should be at least half full.
Finally, Rule 4: Single eaters should (make friends or) strictly use the square tables. The rationale is implicit, they are designed for two people, but one person is sufficient because they use half.
Some/most of you are saying. “But what if there are no other tables? Certainly I have the right to sit inside and enjoy my meal.” Under what I like to call the “free for all, let’s be inconsiderate” old guard rules – well, yes, you are entitled to that table, but in doing so, you will be a jerk.
I know that this has been light-hearted, but I can’t emphasize enough the idea of thinking of others before yourself, and treating others how you want to be treated. This is the golden rule for a reason! There are the obvious theological implications as well, but on a personal note, this would save me a good deal of seething rage, and the desire to punch people.
