As college students, you and 99 percent of Biola’s undergrad population frequently find yourself searching through pockets and behind arcade machines for the same elusive thing: cash. What you really need is a steady source of income – a part-time profession that will pad your pockets and boost your formerly unemployed pride. Tackle your job search the Day-by-Day way and early retirement will find you in no time.

Day One

Raise your hand if you wear perfume, cologne, or even just deodorant on a daily basis. If your hand is down, you need to go wash seven times in the Jordan River. If it’s up, then you have experienced the fruits of the labor of your every day Odor Tester. After all, someone has to sniff-approve all those delicious scents back in the lab, and all you need to qualify is a nose. Plus, who needs a medical plan when you could come home smelling like every Old Spice fragrance combined.

Day Two

As I’m sure you know, Steve Irwin, the dearly loved Crocodile Hunter, passed away a few years ago. As such, the world is in desperate need of a new, reckless,reptile-wrangler.
This career is not for the faint of heart, nor even the mostly-brave-but-sometimes-terrified-of-tree-frogs type. Risks may include, but are not limited to, severe swelling of most body parts, loss of limb, and sudden death by a variety of lethal poisons. However, payoffs include immortal fame, a very large paycheck, and an unbeatable repertoire of thrilling stories.

Day Three

These days, faced with the darkness and oppression of the secular world, we often live off the smallest glimmers of inspiration, embodied most beautifully in the delicious folds of the fortune cookie. What better way to spread joy than through the creation of these wise and motivational proverbs. Become a professional fortune cookie writer and encourage others with such adages as, “”If the shoe fits… it’s your size.”

Day Four

If you’ve ever seen professional golfers at work, you know that far too many of those little white globes end up in murky lakes, ponds and sometimes the Big Blue itself. Enter you: talented, courageous and far underrated golf-ball diver extraordinaire. Put those rusty scuba skills to work and maybe get one of those balls signed by Tiger Woods. Plus, you may just stumble across some truly valuable treasures beneath the waves – the Heart of the Ocean, or perhaps Atlantis.

Day Five

Do you love kids and have absolutely, no concern for self-esteem or respectability and a lifelong dream to become a 6-foot tall mouse? Your destiny awaits on the corner of La Mirada and Rosecrans, and its name is Chuck E. Cheese. Who doesn’t want to spend hours suffocating inside pounds of fake rodent for the happiness of the young? After all, Christ told the children to come to him; the only difference is, you won’t need to call the children to you – they’ll be tackling, tugging, hugging and harassing you all day. Say Cheese!

Day Six

They’re the crucial element in Tylenol, cloning and teleportation research. No, not world-class scientists – I’m talking about guinea pigs. As a human test subject, you’ll have two simple responsibilities: do whatever the men in white suits command and collect a boatload of dough at the end of the day. Possible benefits may include super strength and the ability to fly. Possible side effects may include severe hair loss and the growth of extra appendages. But hey, life is like a box of chocolates right?