For weeks on end, La Mirada has been boiled, broiled, baked and burned (not to mention pan-seared and flambéd), by a scorching heat wave of Saharan proportions. Desperate to survive just one more week in this Biola-sized microwave? Then prepare to beat the heat in cool-as-a-cucumber Day by Day fashion.

MONDAY:

The Ice-Water Turban – Want to stay chilly and flaunt a little foreign fashion simultaneously? Soak a colorful towel or t-shirt in frigid ice water for 2-3 minutes, then twist it turban-fashion around your head before heading to class. Dare to dazzle passersby with a flamboyantly decorated headdress, or get creative with innovative wrapping styles. Note of caution: be wary of leaving puddles in the caf.

TUESDAY:

Strategic Sprinkler Sprints – Using secret messages and luxurious bribes, convince someone with access to the sprinkler system to suddenly activate all Biola sprinklers during carefully planned time slots throughout the day. Amidst the confusion and general hysteria, frolic freely through the fountains of freezing faux rain.

WEDNESDAY:

Free Feet Day – Ready for a shocking sliver of science? Braving the heat barefoot will actually keep you feeling constantly cooler. As the sweat on your feet evaporates, it will actually cool the blood in your lower extremities, which will then be whisked to the rest of your body, creating the glorious sensation that you’ve teleported to Minnesota. Interestingly, eating severely spicy foods will produce a similar sweating effect, thus creating a similar cooling sensation, and may therefore be attempted as an alternative. Seriously. No joke.

THURSDAY:

Inter-Class Beach Excursions – Got a couple hours between classes? Maybe a break between your last class and the onslaught of homework? Pile a crowd of friends, an umbrella and a gallon of sunscreen into your car and speed off to Huntington Beach for a couple hours. One minute in the wondrous waves of the Pacific and your constant thoughts of deserts and saunas will evaporate.

FRIDAY:

The Amazing Portable Oasis – It’s the last day of the week, time to pull out all the stops and cripple the heat once and for all. Say hello to the Amazing Portable Oasis. Step 1: Purchase a sombrero large enough to conceal a small aircraft. Step 2: Hang between four and twenty-five battery-powered fans around the sombrero’s hefty circumference. Step 3: Enjoy your own personal breeze and perfect portable shade anytime, any place, and revel in thoughts of sno-cones and the Himalayas.