Q – “I’m a nice guy, and I honestly never get the girls. Or the one girl I want. Why does the ‘bad boy’ always get the girls?”

A – My friend, like you, I have often pondered this question. For the longest time I thought just as you probably have: “I’m a nice guy, I pay for everything, I’m supportive, and I always treat women with respect. So why would girls not like me?” It’s a puzzling question. But there really is a method to a bad boy’s madness, and you don’t have to be a jerk to take some pointers from his seemingly evil but suave ways. Expand your understanding:

1. Respect his ways – The more you reject what is going on with this boy and the girl that so willingly follows him, the more you will reject the fact there is something wrong with the way you are going about things. Growth only comes with the realization that change is necessary. If you are continually looked at as being just the friend and never the bf, take notes.

2. It’s about confidence – The bad boy never acts as if having the girl will make his day and goes on about his day as if it’s nothing new. It’s in the way he carries himself; girls are naturally attracted to a man who seems unattainable and unavoidable. He’s someone who is fun, but someone who will sometimes ignore them as if they don’t exist. His confidence allows him to essentially put a girl in her place at times and reassures her that he knows what he’s doing. Life will go on with or without her; because he could care less what she thinks about him.

3. He’s different from the norm – What’s the norm? Almost everything you do. Every time you see her, you want to talk to her. You’ll do what you think she wants. You always pay and always open the door. After all, you’re a nice guy. You’re a great friend. Unfortunately, there is nothing interesting or intriguing about you, and definitely no mystery.

4. It’s not a Christian/non-Christian thing. Just because he’s a “bad” boy, doesn’t mean he isn’t a Christian, or his ways are contrary to the way Christian men ought to act. If you’re on this path, you’ll be single for a long time, or at least until young women stop searching for this type of man (it’s a lifelong search, so don’t hold your breath).

5. What will set you apart? Your humor. Learn to find the right combination of cocky and funny. Women love humor, but there must be the right combination of edginess as well. The bad boy’s negative comments and his teasing ways attract her, but they also keep her guessing because she is not sure if he’s completely serious or joking. In other words, his communication is attractive and fun.

6. Remember, it’s a numbers game. Stop setting your heart on that one girl. There are plenty in the world, and that one you want probably already thinks you are just a nice guy. Talk with many women, get a feel for the way things work and stop putting your heart on your sleeve for every woman to see. A little mystery goes a long way.