This week I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather, so I thought we’d take a look at all the fun to be had while recuperating from a cold.

Monday – Take Care Of Your Special Someone Day

Chances are you want nothing more than to pucker up and kiss that special someone right on the lips. But when that special someone is sick and said lips are a veritable germ garden in the midst of cultivating a host of viruses, it might be best to just bring them a cup of soup. Or ignore common sense and kiss them anyway. Your call.

Tuesday – Regret Nothing Day

No. It’s not a cough, you’re just clearing your throat. And no, your throat isn’t sore either. On this day ignore the symptoms and insist that not only do you not have a cold, but even in the unlikely hypothetical situation that you did get a cold as a result from kissing your special someone, hypothetically, it was definitely worth it and you regret nothing. And you never will. Ever.

Wednesday – Let’s be Honest Day

On this day, come to terms with the fact that you’re definitely sick, either before or after you projectile vomit. With this revelation you can finally accept your place in the universe as an invalid. Curl up into a little ball and question all reality. Watch “2001: A Space Odyssey” and believe that you understand the ending. Realize that you can actually “feel” your hands. Use an entire roll of toilet paper just for blowing your nose. Stash this used toilet paper under your roommate’s bed when the trash can is too far away.

Thursday – Medicine Day

It’s time to seek a remedy for what ails you. Orange juice is helpful, yet it may feel like fire going down your throat and begin to taste like burnt batteries after the third jug. Desperate times call for desperate measures. You may have to temporarily break Biola contract by purchasing cough syrup with the highest alcohol content. Take a couple shots and prepare yourself for the ride of your life.

Friday – Sleep Day

Realize that the cough syrup you bought had “extra drowsy” side effects and pass out for the next several hours. Make sure to have a variety of crazy dreams in which you may or may not have traveled on a floating chinchilla to a Tony Bennett concert where you assembled the Golden Gate Bridge out of mismatched socks. Wake up a few times, believe you’re still in the dream and embarrass yourself in the living room.

Weekend – Renewed Appreciation for Life Day

Wake up feeling refreshed and renewed, knowing that the sickness has passed. Maybe take an extra swig of that cough syrup just to be safe. Then prance in the open fields as you relish the life you have, or play video games inside. Swear you have no idea how your roommate got sick before dashing out the door to visit your special someone. It’s a whole new week. Eat an apple to keep that doctor away.