Of all the things Biola University has made me give up for the sake of their student contract (cat juggling) dancing was certainly one I thought I would miss. It’s taken me this long to accept their online censorship program, Websense, as a common daily occurrence, I just assumed that in time my need to dance would ebb away. It was hard for me to find out that my kind of dancing, which includes lots of shaking and repeatedly pointing towards a specific body part, simply isn’t appropriate for this atmosphere. Oh, I’m sorry Biola, I thought this was America.

This past week, however, was time for Mission Conferences, and after joyously celebrating my few days off from classes, without rhythmic movement I should add, I made my way to the auditornasium. Already, the worship team was in full swing and the crowd was alive.

As I made my way toward my seat something nearly hit my head. In a daze I stumbled backwards in fear. I suddenly realized I was being attacked by a mentally deranged woman in the midst of the throng. As she swung her arms toward me I dodged back and forth, again not in any sort of rhythm or dance-like motion (although those who witnessed it may say it was rather cat-like). Her fists swung wildly through the air as she twirled around blindly. If I was going to combat this I’d have to pull out my Matrix moves, bend the spoon etc. I quickly crouched low, waiting for a chance to sneak in a desperate punch for the ovaries, but as I waited I noticed she was continuing to twirl. It was then that I realized I was dealing not with a woman who was insane, but was dancing with a passion, and was also probably insane.

Yes, it seems that the worship team has inspired some to dance. I can’t criticize that. After all, weren’t we all inspired to give praise when we first listened to the contemporary alternative Christian rock group Black Eyed Peas and their masterpiece “My Humps?” Were we not all in some way affected by the lyrics of Mystikal in his opus “Shake Ya -BLOCKED BY WEBSENSE-?” I know I was.

It just seems strange to me that dancing to music is outlawed in the presence of good company at home, but is somehow allowed in the presence of many despite the possibility of causing concussions and massive head wounds to all those within the near vicinity. Believe me, there isn’t safety in numbers. That girl nearly gave me a black eyed pea in the face.

The fact of the matter is that Biola and its contract is pretty all-or-nothing as far as lee-way is concerned. Even drinking wine at a wedding is considered a big no-no. So it’s a bit surprising to find a few violent dancers literally prancing in front of the entire school.

Then again, I don’t see any big changes on the horizon for Biola’s contract anytime soon. I might just have to bite the bullet on this one and take one for the team. What I’m about to say might be the only way to get the higher-ups at Biola to give this matter any further attention and see to it that no more freak dance attacks happen.

Fine. The dancing during the Biola chapels is very tempting. It tempts me. I am tempted. When people dance like that, during chapel, I take joy in it. It looks fun, and it makes me what to dance all the time. I think I want to dance more than I want to read the Bible. I might spend more time dancing, and maybe read “Harry Potter” and start using words like “Heck” and “Darn.”

There. I’ve done all I could.