Movie: “Fired Up” (2009)

Director: Will Gluck

Stars: ? (out of five)

The two lead characters in “Fired Up!” may be just as airheaded as other on-screen duos like “Bill and Ted,” but at least those two were interesting to listen to. While “Bill and Ted” could hold your attention and bring energy into a room, the leads from “Fired Up!” are like black holes and actually suck the energy out of every scene they’re in.

The film stars Nicholas D’Agosto and Eric Christian Olsen, as Shawn and Nick who star as two men in their late twenties playing “teenagers.” I’ve seen a lot of movies where post-doctorate graduates play teenagers, but this movie takes a suspension of disbelief beyond measure. They play these two “teenage” guys that aren’t capable of conceiving of a single thought about anything other than sex. Teenage boys are fascinated with sex and talk about it a lot; this may be the only part of reality that the movie almost nails. What it doesn’t understand is the language and rhythm of the conversations. “Fired Up!” makes the vulgarity in “Superbad” sound like sweet, eloquent poetry. Both movies are dirty-minded but “Superbad” was a lot more honest about teenage life , especially because it included the insecurities with of the age.

What do the characters in “Fired Up” have to be insecure about? There’s not a “teenager” in the film that couldn’t land a modeling contract. From the very start, Nick and Shawn are so cocky that they decide to not go to football camp, and instead go to cheerleading camp to-canto – can you guess?guess? – sleep Sleep with every cheerleader they can, then move on. Girls, these are the guys that your parents told you to stay away from. They take the practice of objectifying women almost religiously. I looked, but I couldn’t find any “What Would Casanova Do” bracelets on their wrists .

So unlikable are these two leads that they could even qualify as the bad guys in a different film. In fact, when a love interest ensues between Shawn and the cheerleading team captain, she comes equipped with a cruel, unfeeling and unfaithful boyfriend. Wait, doesn’t this exactly describe the two main characters? The good guys and bad guy are mirror images of one another ! Then who are we to root for, if no one is likable? The cheerleaders? Their cause to win the championship? The movie pays no interest to the cheerleading aspect itself. There are enough quick shots and fast montages, making the team go from pathetic to great within a matter of cuts. How is it possible that a movie about cheerleading can seem to have virtually no cheerleading in it whatsoever? This is the only intelligible thought worth contemplating in this brain-dead movie.

“Fired Up”is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, partial nudity, language and some teen partying.