Ever since the day Squanto gave the first Pilgrims such a great deal on corn, Black Friday has become a part of American history. Each year, thousands of men and women flock to the stores the day after Thanksgiving to take part in this wonderful tradition passed down from generation to generation. It is for this very reason that I woke up at 4:00 a.m. last Friday to stand in line at my nearest Target.
I have heard many a naysayer question my reasoning in regards to lining up so early to purchase merchandise at a slightly higher discount than usual. “What’s wrong with you?” they normally ask. In return I tell them straight up, “I’m an American, and this is what Americans do.” If our forefathers hadn’t been such cheapskates then the island of Manhattan would’ve cost them about five bucks more than the $25 they paid for it. Where would the city of New York be today had they purchased the land for its actual worth? In China. That’s where.
This year my eye caught sight of the deal of a lifetime. Whilst I stood in line, fellow Black-Fridayians conversed about the hottest items in the store. “What do think you’ll go for first?” The lady behind me asked. I replied shyly, “Oh, just this and that.” Little did she know that I was planning to grab my very own pair of Nintendo Wii pajamas that very morning. “FOOLS!” I laughed manically in my mind. It had been my life-long dream since I saw the newspaper ad that morning to own a pair of Wii pajamas that normally cost five dollars more, and I was going to do everything in my power to ensure that they would be mine.
Oh yes. They would be mine.
Such is the nature of Black Friday camaraderie. One minute we may be sharing a laugh out in the cold, the next minute we may be punching each other in the stomach over the last discounted DVD copy of “Dante’s Peak.” Only one of us will be able to go home to see Pierce Brosnan run away from a volcano, and when push comes to shove, that person will be me.
Of course, every once in a while someone might stop me to say that I don’t actually “need” anything that I buy. To them I will admit, yes, that is very much true. But if I don’t buy it, somebody else who really wants it will buy it before me, and that just cannot happen. For example, if I happen to be standing in front of the last discounted wicker basket, my hands will naturally come closer to grabbing it as someone else approaches (as well as back away when they take a step backwards). I don’t want a wicker basket. I don’t really know what I would do with a wicker basket. But I’ll be darned if I’m going to let somebody else enjoy it instead of me. This is America.
As I write this, I sit comfortably in my bright blue Nintendo pajamas. At this moment, I rest with the Wii logo emblazoned on my sides, and at the same time my conscience too can rest with the knowledge that I am thoroughly covered in Wii. I may have ruined another boy’s Christmas to get them before his parents did, but in the process I have given them a free lesson in the world of Black Friday. And in the end, is not a free lesson the greatest deal of all?
