Q: Guys seem so afraid and shy to pursue or even talk to women around here … what’s the deal?

A: Good news Biola women! We think you can do a lot to help this problem. Here are a couple of areas to work on:

1. Change your thinking: Men and women have an equal role in communication with each other. If you expect men to do all the work before you are in a relationship, you will not see results with a confident man. Men expect mutual communication even before you start dating.

2. Help them out: Talk to the guy you want to get to know, flirt with him and have some fun. If you have his number, call him sometime. Make things a little easier for him. Women say, “But if I do this, he might think I like him!” Remember, it’s okay if you like him. That’s not a bad thing. How will he know to pursue you if you don’t show interest?

3. Be patient and gracious: Girls, we know it’s easy for you to immediately pass guys off for lack of confidence. Guys have it hard … they carry much of the initiating burden. Don’t be too quick to judge them. Instead, give good men a chance to go on a date with you! If you push him away too early, he may end up quitting before you’ve actually made your final decision. And remember, if you don’t like him after the date, you don’t have to talk to him again.

4. Be securely vulnerable: Insecure women push men away in order to be pursued all the more. Don’t do this! Men do not respond well to this; it discourages them to the point of not pursuing you. Be secure; make them feel welcome in your presence, and you will find that they might ask you out.

5. Playing hard to get can go against you: We know women play hard to get, but some don’t realize that by doing this, they are actually pushing away the man they really want. Consequently, it sometimes gets interpreted as “I’m not interested,” and that’s bad if you like the guy. Be consistent in your signals with him and you may need to show it with more than just “hints.”