The perspective on romantic relationships at Biola, and perhaps most of Christian culture, seems absurd. In my experience, people navigate relationships based on preconceived gender roles for men and women to fill. This is limiting and ultimately unhealthy. We wrongly believe these notions come from God, when in reality we produce them ourselves. They could even be considered a form of idolatry.

While we often hear teachings on the purpose of marriage and the roles of husbands and wives, most students at Biola remain unmarried. Far too many women and men find too much of their identity in the idea of a relationship and miss out on what God calls them to in singleness. Too many Christian cliches draw on the idea of God bringing “the one” into their lives. If Biola students actually believed that, they would live full and meaningful lives without the insecurity that seems to follow these over-romanticized ways of thinking.

I often see, and have been guilty of, an “in waiting” mentality. But what are we waiting for? While God has not called everyone to a life of singleness, he has called everyone to responsibly manage his or her current circumstance. We should not view singleness, or a relationship, as an identity, instead we should view it as an opportunity to use what we have been given to help ourselves and others.

All Christians have access to a full and meaningful life in God and, while desirable, marriage should not be something anyone deserves or are entitled to. When we understand this, we can receive romantic relationships as a blessing from God and not as something to complete us. We lack nothing in Christ, so feeling unsatisfied or needing fulfillment in a relationship results in a misunderstanding of our relationship with Christ.

From what I have heard and seen, some women on our campus believe that becoming a meek and mild-mannered homemaker remains the ideal goal and role for all good Christian women. While nothing is inherently wrong with having a meek and mild disposition or desiring to grow in these areas, it should not be our only option.

If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, great, but this desire should not turn into an idol that you impose on other women. What if God has given other women leadership capacities that he intends for them to use? What if women as a whole, do not have to be married for their life to start? What if the tendencies, passions and talents that I possess need no male headship apart from Jesus Christ? Women should be more than spiritual damsels in distress.

Our main passion for following Jesus should not center around who to do it with, but with Christ himself. I think if we took that perspective, we would feel fulfilled in singleness. We would not constantly evaluate our friendships as potential mates. Our singleness would become precious and we would not forfeit it for the sake of fulfillment in someone else.

Our full and meaningful life lies in Christ. While I adore the model of marriage and what it illustrates and accomplishes for the kingdom, it reflects a fragment of our future glory in Christ Jesus.While recognizing our shortcomings, we should all strive to use our passions and abilities to glorify Christ in our current circumstances.