Words from a wise guy: a capsule of life lessons

Larry Smith shares a list of “do’s and don’ts” for your life.



Adjunct professor for the English Department, Larry Smith. | Katie Juranek/THE CHIMES

Larry Smith, Writer

Adjunct professor for the English Department, Larry Smith. | Katie Juranek/THE CHIMES [file photo]

I turned 66 last week. A sassy high school student noted, “One more 6 and you’ll be Satan.” Great comfort.

Another wonderful consideration: When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for 31 years. So, now I’m not only demonic … I’m unproductive. Nevertheless, I have something none of you peons have: experience — and old dude life advice. Of course, you’ll ignore my wisdom and bullheadedly create your own disasters … but, I love saying, “I told you so.”

Here goes:
1. Live large; don’t settle for ordinary. Ignore chapel speakers who counsel satisfaction with minor accomplishment.
2. No alcoholic beverages — ever. Biola nailed this one.
3. Pray more than I ever did. Talking one-on-one with God — how great is that!
4. Treat people as Jesus did; perhaps you’ll become a pro-life Democrat. In your face, Ted!
5. Don’t treat personal safety as a high priority; the Lord will protect you when you choose to be adventurous. Real men don’t pack. American gun obsession is so sad.
6. Stretch: I’m agile as a piece of furniture … Booo.
7. Don’t live in a neighborhood or go to a church where everyone looks like you. Many Biola students grouse about the push towards campus diversity. Fact: Most people of color are more interesting than you, Whitey!
8. Don’t be too “intentional” — it’s getting stale and will go the way of “Blue Like Jazz,” Promise Keepers and WWJD bracelets.
9. You’ll never have enough money.
10. God doesn’t have grandchildren. Develop your OWN relationship with the Lord.
11. You can’t earn his love — nor can you lose it.
12. Try to avoid jobs where you wear high heels or leather-tassled loafers.
13. Never see human beings as “illegal.” The U.S. achieved greatness by welcoming everybody.
14. Challenge authority. Jesus sure did.
15. Life is incredibly short; love and witness every vapor-like moment you have on earth.
16. It’s not all about you; mankind’s No. 1 temptation is self-absorption.
17. You owe more than lip service to someone who died for you.
18. Don’t settle in Orange County unless you want to star in “The Truman Show II.”
19. Technology 101: A) Don’t take selfies; the sin’s in the name. B) Go one year without Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Self-branding is neediness at its most unpleasant. C) Call — don’t text.
20. Read.
21. Write.
22. Listen.
23. Don’t homeschool your kids unless you’re a cloistered monk or nun.
24. If you try keeping pace with modern culture, you’ll look foolish.
25. Choose your tats wisely; picture them on your grandmother (i.e. future you).
26. Live two years in a third world country.
27. Before joining the Tea Party, reread “Alice in Wonderland.”
28. If it’s sinful or isn’t fun, why do it? Duh.
29. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart.” If Jesus becomes your primary source of light, he’ll transform you in ways you can’t imagine.
30. Make your own list.

Lord bless and stretch you.

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