I was born at St. Jude Medical Center over two decades ago in Fullerton. I’ve lived all my life in California. I grew up on a standard ‘90s kid dosage of Nickelodeon cartoons, Lego sets and Disney animated features. I played all sorts of sports as a kid, from basketball to soccer, earning my shiny participation trophies. United States history was my favorite subject, which made my eighth grade trip to Washington, D.C. as thrilling as a Bieber concert is for a tween girl. I love this country as my home, and I’ve always thought myself as an American.

FOREIGN IN AMERICA 

Yet, though I was born and raised here, why do I sometimes feel as if I’m looked at as a foreigner, as a non-American, whenever I’m in San Francisco, Las Vegas or even right here at Biola? 

I’m Asian. My parents emigrated to America in the ‘70s and have since settled in central California, trading the humidity of Indonesia for the frosty, overcast atmosphere of the Salinas Valley. When people ask me, “What are you?” I say I’m Indonesian because, of course, I’m assuming they’re curious about my ethnic background, not whether if I’m human. I had gotten used to that, as an Asian person in the U.S.

But lately, I’ve started asking why Asians are prone to being inquired about their ethnic backgrounds. As I’ve seen, there’s barely any curiosity about ethnic background when it comes to black people and Caucasians. It also seems to me that there’s next to no twinge of suspicion when it comes to whether a Caucasian or black person in the U.S., on first sight, is American or not. They just look American.

But with Asians, there’s always that hint of doubt, that wonder of whether he is from this country or if he’s actually from Korea or Japan or wherever. Though this Asian may really be American, you can’t be sure until you talk to him and maybe ask him directly. I think most of us have this feeling. Even I do, oftentimes. It’s hard to tell, isn’t it?

"FOREVER FOREIGNER" STEREOTYPE 

“I think Asian-Americans suffer from the ‘forever foreigner’ stereotype, but they are not unique in getting the ‘where are you from’ question,” Biola sociology professor Nancy Yuen said. She cited Latinos and Middle Easterners in America as examples.

It may be that there is some sort of conflict between the Asian-American and a picture of the American person. Perhaps there’s something inherently not-as-American about being Asian than as being Caucasian or black. After all, when the world thinks of an American person, it’s usually a Caucasian.

And so, this tragic paradox, to be both native and foreign, has defined the Asian experience in this country for me thus far. It’d be nice to be assumed that I’m from this country at first sight, to not be asked what I am, to be considered the same as everyone else. But I still find myself wishing to be what I already am. I wish I was American.