What to say, what to say — “Pain & Gain” is absurdity at both its worst and its finest. A definitive tribute to the American dream gone wrong, this multifaceted blockbuster would be courageously stupid and far fetched if not for one fact: It’s a true story. Michael Bay, a director famous for all style and no substance, has undertaken a script that struggles to bring coherence to a plot that is stranger than fiction. Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie, Dwayne Johnson, Tony Shalhoub and Ed Harris make up an all-star cast, bringing life to characters with motives that could only be dreamt up or found in Daytona, Fla. circa 1995.

Daniel Lugo (Wahlberg) is as greasy bodybuilder who optimistically and violently chases what he calls the American dream. His co-builder Adrian (Mackie) struggles to perfect his body and reverts to the needle. Meanwhile, Daniel plans to perfect their lives through an ambitious scheme: Kidnap rich gym member Victor (Shalhoub), make him sign over all of his earthly possessions and wealth, then kill him and sweep the evidence under the already dirty rug. To carry this out, they employ the help — and muscle — of the somewhat gentle giant Paul (Johnson), who struggles to aid his new friends in torture and racketeering while staying true to his newfound faith in Christianity. The kidnapping takes place and the plan seems to go as well as Lugo hoped, but when Victor survives and sets a private detective (Ed Harris) on their trail, things go to hell in a handbasket faster than you can say “steroid.”

CHARACTER-DRIVEN FILM QUESTIONS THE REALITY OF SOURCE MATERIAL

“Pain & Gain” weaves a trail that is as bizarre as it is incredible. The film itself continuously and comically reminds its audience throughout a two-hour running time that this all legitimately took place. Is it a story that needed to be told? Probably not, and it’s hard to imagine anyone but Bay directing this lunacy. In a world of half-naked models, coke-addiction and sleazy characters around every corner, Bay is right in his element bringing this Florida-based nightmare to life. He thrives on portraying the lust and adrenaline-fueled world of the movies, with sexy cars, quick cuts and big explosions galore. Unlike his loud, clunking “Transformers” trilogy, “Pain & Gain” is driven by people — the circumstances of the story are ever dictated by the unbelievably stupid and impulsive decisions of its characters. Instead of heavy action set pieces, Bay channels his finesse so that the audience can track with the wackiness.

While “Pain & Gain” is dark, it could have been darker. The first act sets everything up as if it’s a very intense black comedy, but as the plot progresses we descend ever deeper into certain madness. Delusion is a light diagnosis for the trio of criminal bodybuilders, most of all for Lugo, who is a raving manipulator and pathological narcissist. Wahlberg does an excellent job of fleshing out his insanity, and Mackie delivers Adrian with a fluctuating sense of calm and full-blown crazy — which is probably due to his heavy use of ‘roids. Johnson, better known as “The Rock,” is actually quite the delight here as a massive pacifist who may not be as passive as he thinks. His character provides most of the quick humor and the only points of the film that I even half-smiled at. The rest of the attempts at comedy were either too bizarre or too poorly executed to be enjoyable.

“Pain & Gain” is a stylized portrait of a perverted American dream, that the “do”ers are better than the “don’t”ers and deserve whatever they want because they have the power to take it. Daniel Lugo represents patriotism gone wrong, because his pride and ambition are all in himself, not his friends or his country. By the end of the movie, it’s hard to discern the message — if there is one — that Bay and the writers try to push. The conclusion is redemptive in that these selfish and destructive mentalities are proven ill-advised. Still, so much of the film is spent in the company of these madmen that the glorification of sexualized nihilism is hard to ignore. In short, “Pain & Gain” is a trippy and sometimes inconsistent ride as the line between wacky and dark is too blurred by Bay’s knack for adding polish to trash.