In the very popular M. Night Shyamalan movie “Signs,” there is an intense scene wherein Mel Gibson’s character confronts his son in the midst of the tensions surrounding the alien invasion plot line and the son retorts, “You had a tone!”

Tone is an interesting communicative concept that roughly parallels the notion, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Called paralanguage, this communication concept is important for all Christians because it compels us to not just rely on the precise words we communicate, but the intent we have when we say our words.

Tone more than carefully choosing words

The writer of Proverbs 8:21 reminds us that “those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.” Disciplining your tongue, for the Christian, is more than just being sensitive to word choice. The words we choose to confront or even counsel others can be dictionary-definition accurate, but connotatively insensitive — and that sensitivity is all wrapped up in our tone.

Back in Proverbs 18:20, the writer reminds us that “words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction.” Those of us who teach in the communication discipline understand, though we often fail to practice it ourselves, that “right words” are more often than not delivered with the “right tone.”

I have a favorite television show called “Doc Martin,” which is shown on PBS stations in the U.S. and is a British import. The blunt doctor infuriates virtually everyone in the English city of Port Wenn with his rude tone and confrontational style. He can’t understand why people don’t understand his intent, but he clearly does not have a clue about his bedside manner nor the sub-textual inferences of how he delivers his medical opinions. I think I subconsciously enjoy this show because the rude doctor makes me laugh as he frequently says what I wish I could say in some settings. I certainly was thinking it.

Called to a higher standard in thought and speech

As Christians we have a higher ethical standard to maintain because Christ says in the Beatitudes, in Matthew chapter five, that even our thoughts need to be disciplined as well as our word choice, or even our paralanguage. If we try to correct our thought-life on our own, we will become depressed at the futility of the enterprise. But the Lord knows that bringing our mind into a disciplined Christ-like connection has to begin with some divine outside help and that first step more than likely is asking the Lord to help us be sensitive to our tone in the way we communicate.

I am calling us all, and notice I have to include myself here too, to pay more attention to the tone we use when we communicate with one another. We cannot operate in the realm of “It’s someone else’s fault if they don’t understand me. I know what I meant.” We have to always think in terms of how people hear our words and the accompanying tone. We must adjust our tone and we must be intentional to spread around those “kind words [that] are like honey — sweet to the soul and healthy for the body,” as it says in Proverbs 16:24.