This is my last semester before graduating in May, and I feel that I can honestly say that I have learned a lot. I’m not normally one to brag, but Biola should probably give me two or three degrees since I’ve learned so much. The best part about college is that the student develops a strong sense of self-confidence. Unfortunately the worst part is that the student develops a strong sense of self-confidence.

Take dating, for instance. My freshman year I thought that I could get any girl I wanted based on my talent with balloon animals alone. “What’s wrong with that?” you’re probably asking. Well, as I’m sure many of you know, when men become overconfident in their skills with the opposite sex it can lead to all kinds of crimes against humanity, such as Elvis-style sideburns and the mesh tank tops that plagued the 1980s. I read somewhere that the mustache was actually invented by an early Fertile Crescent man with eight wives.

While dating (or talking about dating) may be an important part of college life, it isn’t the only part. Let’s not forget about procrastination going to classes. Over the past four years, I personally have gone to several classes and am now far enough removed to remember some of them with nostalgia. My freshman year, I attended Kent State University. At that school I took what was, according to the syllabus, an astronomy class. I definitely learned a lot in that class but not much of it had to do with astronomy. To begin with, the class was comprised of the “frat/slacker” ethnic-group that is responsible for the last four U.S. Presidents. The professor loved astronomy, The Price Is Right and New Kids on the Block, but didn’t have particularly strong feelings about actually teaching the subject matter. So class times were spent discussing all kinds of philosophical topics ranging from Tommy Boy to the 2004 presidential election. On Election Day, we took a poll of who the students voted for. Bush came out slightly ahead, but both God and Ronald Reagan made strong showings. During reviews for tests, the professor would sometimes ask the students for suggestions on how to incorporate a game into the review. Suggestions included; heads up seven up, telephone “using that astronomy junk,” as well as several drinking games.

I would say that over the past four years my hard work has paid off in the form of archery class. For those of you unfamiliar with this art, you are basically firing a two and a half foot projectile wildly across the field for an hour and a half. Unfortunately, just because this is my favorite class of the semester doesn’t mean that I’m actually good at it. The highest possible score out of a three arrow round is 30. I’m right around an average of eight points if you count the six points I scored on the target next to the one I was actually aiming at.

But by far, the best part of collegiate life would be nap time. One of my professors figured out that a 3 unit class that takes place twice a week would be worth about $90 for one class period at our prestigious institution. While I may be naturally distrustful of statistics involving “numbers,” I think that this one might be true, which means that I’ve slept away approximately $1.7 million worth of naps this past semester alone. Where else in the world can you waste that much money because you decided to do your homework while sitting in bed?

So overall, it has been a highly academic experience at college. Although to be honest, my confidence with the ladies has taken a bit of a dive since my freshman year. As it turns out, most of my balloon animals looked like the same thing. Oh well, I still have two and a half months before I graduate, which gives me just enough time to grow a mustache. If all else fails, I could always go into astronomy. I’ve seen “Tommy Boy” a million times.