If you’ve ever wondered what happens to spies after they retire, “RED” is the movie that declassifies the CIA retirement plan. The latest action comedy to try and spoof the world of secret agents, this movie brings a more unique twist to the genre, focusing on retired agents who look more like grandparents than contract killers. RED stands for “retired, extremely dangerous” and is the acronym used to describe Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) and his cohort of cold warriors put to pasture by the government.

As the movie begins, we see Moses living out his retired days in suburban Cleveland, wishing he were still a spy. He follows a strict routine of boredom – wandering around the house, putting up Christmas decorations and phoning his long-distance love-interest Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker) at the pension office.

Then things get interesting. A team of super assassins shows up in the middle of the night, shooting holes all over his house until Frank dispatches them in a variety of ways. He is then forced to kidnap Sarah for her own safety, and the two set out on a road trip across the nation to find out why someone would want them dead.

Based on a graphic novel, “RED” revels in spy movie clichés and comic book structure. The plot jumps from city to city with the clever use of living postcards.

Frank assembles his friends one by one to try and figure out why they’re being targeted. During that process, a larger government conspiracy is unearthed. Black helicopters and SUVs pursue them all along the way.

The action is fast and comically over-the-top, using some original gags along with old favorites. Bullets are often shown doing unusual tricks in slow motion. The visuals favor frequent explosions over gratuitous gore in typical PG13 fashion.

RED unable to solidly connect with genre and acting

“RED” runs into trouble in trying to accomplish too much at once. Part comic book movie, spy thriller and romantic comedy, “Red” doesn’t really know what it wants to be. All the best scenes are in the trailer, and punch lines are few and far between. What appears to be a dream cast of past movie greats is a little disappointing.

Watching a bunch of senior citizen CIA agents running around with guns is amusing, but performances are a little inconsistent from character to character. You can tell that some of the cast wanted to be there more than others: Bruce Willis is fine playing his usual softhearted tough guy — he hasn’t really aged since Die Hard 3 anyways.
Agent Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman) does not get as much screen time as advertised, and rarely gets involved in the action. It seems he’d be happier lounging around in the rest home. His coolest moment is impersonating an African warlord in an outrageous uniform — but only briefly.

John Malkovich loves to play crazy, and he’s at his best as the extremely paranoid Marvin Boggs. Helen Mirren is by far the best part of the film, playing former MI6 assassin Victoria. Ironically, she’s the most believable killer in the bunch. In one scene, she stares down a sniper scope while coldly describing putting three rounds in a former lover’s chest – truly the stuff of classic Bond films. Brian Cox is excellent as former KGB agent Ivan.

It’s fun to see all the heroes come out of retirement and match wits with their younger counterparts. It’s just too bad that many of the action sequences play out a little awkwardly, as the old timers try to fake their way through gun battles.

The whole thing runs on a strict formula, and any plot twists are either predictable or uninteresting. This movie is not designed to make you think. It’s built for laughs, but sadly doesn’t deliver in the humor department nearly enough– but if you’re looking for a fun action flick with a lot of explosions, you can’t go wrong with “RED.” Your junior high brother will probably love it even more.