After reading a recent issue of the Chimes, the mural continues to be a subject of turmoil and division. Two stories were written about the decision but neither seemed to bring us any closer to a satisfying end. The cover story indicated that there is still a long road ahead to reconciliation. President Corey was quoted as saying that “these are the decisions, but the hard work is just beginning.” The story also commented further that there are still many unresolved feelings, as AS President Elizabeth Neely was quoted, “The mural will still cause grief, confusion, and division unless our attitudes toward it change.”

AS multicultural relations director, Alain Joseph Datcher, is one of these who is suffering from the mural, since he was quoted as being a, “member of the body [that] feels wounded.” However, on the other side of the conversation was an editorial that pointed at the racial inequalities and apparent double standard. It defended the mural, saying the mural’s intent was not to stand for “oppression.”

Is the conversation touching the heart of the issue?

While these articles touch the major issues, they still remain unresolved, as Neely said earlier concerning our attitudes. This points to an uncomfortable suggestion: that this conversation still has not penetrated to the heart of the matter. As for me, it did not answer my question: how is it that we cannot see Jesus as Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. So now the question has to be, what is keeping us from seeing Jesus?

This has been a weight on my heart since the question occurred to me, and I feared I would never find an answer to understanding this problem. Though recently, I had a conversation with a professor that really opened my eyes to understanding some of the pain that comes from the projection of “oppression” that the mural gives some people.

Trading places with the other side

He first asked me to pick the most painful experience of cruelty in my life, then clearly picture those people as they were in those moments of cruelty. When I had clearly formed my images, he told me to put them on Bardwell in place of the Jesus Mural and then put them on my ID card, which, being an older style, had the Jesus Mural on it as well.

When I was in 5th grade, I was sexually harassed by a group of kids who, though not plainly, called me gay. I am still able to imagine their young faces contorted with cruelty and mocking clearly. When I put their faces on Bardwell in my mind, I was confronted with this immediate feeling of anxiety/fear/anger/hatred.

Seeing my reaction, my professor knew he had made his point though he asked me what I felt. I was hurting and in pain, suffering from the painful memory being made flesh again. Yet in my heart of hearts a different response grew up inside of me. I turned back to my professor and said,

“Yes. Yes, I am in pain and yes, it is hard, but I can get past it because I have forgiven them for it. They were kids who took a joke too far and strayed into evil. I have forgiven them that so I can look past that and see Jesus.”

Maybe this is the key. I know if I hadn’t already forgiven those kids, in that moment, I would have felt similar feelings of resentment and anger towards that self-created image. If we are able to forgive and let Christ cleanse the wounds that keep us from seeing his face, then we might be able to turn and be healed.