I recently heard a friend speak on how she actually feels pressured to find a ring by spring. As she is on the backend of her Biola career and although independent, she still feels the need to find a man before she leaves – even though she knows trusting God is a better answer.

I always have to chuckle at the MRS degree jokes, the Bridal Institute of Los Angeles puns, and the Ring by Spring agenda. It is funny how often times some of the biggest areas of our life tend to find no room for trusting God.

Now while I have great faith in my friend to shake off the worries and trust God, it left me thinking that there are a lot of girls who will fall prey to the pressures of a relationally-charged and driven university.

I have decided to compile a small list of helpful (and basic) insights that may keep your head and heart intact while you are here at Biola. It may also keep you focused on what is really important.

Keep your standards high.

The temptation is to settle – don’t. It is well documented that women mature faster than men do. Just because you are rolling into your last semesters here without a boyfriend does not mean that the right God-fearing, righteous man won’t pop up in time. Too often girls settle for someone who is not quite ready to marry – or is not even a man yet, which results in disappointing marriages, broken hearts, and another “victim” of the growing divorce rate in America. Accept the best and make him earn it.

Let him pursue.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Do not pursue a man. A variety of things can occur when you do this. The first is that God simply did not design men to be pursued. It takes the “hero” out of our roles and forces us to be the “heroine.” It enables laziness in the relationship and makes it easy. If it is easy than he is going to think you are easy – emotionally, relationally, and maybe even physically. That is a problem. Once he does finally get you, he won’t know how to actually pursue your heart and you won’t know what to do next because God did not design you to be the man. However, as Mark Driscoll pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Wash., puts it, don’t be afraid to step in front of a man’s eyes. We can be difficult, emotionless on the surface, and bumbling idiots who sometimes can’t see when the right one is in front of our eyes.

Let love in.

I often see or hear girls express that they are scared to let a guy in – and for good reason. Many have been hurt, abused by boyfriends or fathers, or let down by immature boys. When a man walks into your life and shows an interest, carefully, prayerfully, and intentionally let him pursue you in a genuine way. Too many times walls are built up that both girls and guys don’t let God take down and take care off – this results in shallow relationships that can lead to repetitive dating and breakups or even marriages that leave people wondering, “Where did we go wrong?” If you don’t let him get to know you, then obviously he can’t. After the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over, you will both realize you don’t know how to go deeper. Stale relationships don’t bear fruit.

Trust God.

Matthew 6:25-34 tells us not to worry. Correction, Jesus tells us not to worry about anything. God knows what we need and He will provide accordingly. As I mentioned before, we tend to trust God in a lot of areas except this one. God created you – He knows your past, present, and future. He knows who has broken your heart, where your insecurities may lie, and as a result, He knows the type of man who can pursue you righteously and properly. Let Him show you who that may be. It is not as easy as praying – we all wish that magical green or red light would appear above every head of every person we meet – but let the Holy Spirit guide you in this one. Fix the areas of your heart first, including your relationship with God. I am a firm believer that the areas we struggle with relationally on earth – trust, loving, letting love in, is directly correlated to how we handle our relationship with God. Love Him first with everything you got – and watch what He provides.