Jennifer Knapp’s lesbian relationship recently hit the news world, raising questions that Christians must think about, and discuss lovingly, articulately and coherently. How the church responds is vital; if we aren’t fighting false ideas with truth, where will truth come from? Many Christians, however, would rather die than engage homosexuality. I’m sad for Knapp and others who feel tension between their sexuality and their relationship with God. I can’t imagine giving up on either one. We must understand the pain of struggling with attractions which were not asked for.

The gay community feels more rejection from the church than love. With sexual promiscuity labeled as “the big sin,” just imagine how someone with same-sex attraction feels. This issue is near to my heart, having close friends and family who struggle with same-sex attraction. Our culture is asking: “Can someone be Christian and gay?” I find this question silly. Can someone be Christian and proud? The latter hits home because everyone struggles with pride. Christians would accept that someone can be saved, yet harbor hate against his neighbor. Why is homosexuality different? How is Christianity compatible with an unwillingness to forgive, yet incompatible with acting on same-sex attractions? God will convict on his timing, giving the grace needed to heal. It doesn’t follow that someone is not saved just because he is willfully sinning.

In my spiritual journey, God has brought conviction of sin at different points in time. Imagine the horror experienced if God revealed and convicted us of all our sins at one time! God may have a homosexual on a journey of forgiveness or mercy before addressing their same-sex actions. I’m not saying that anyone living the gay lifestyle and claiming to be a Christian is saved (not every heterosexual claiming to be a Christian is saved). I’m saying it’s possible, just as living as a “proud Christian” is possible. The question “can someone be Christian and gay?” misses the point.

Christianity isn’t about “dos and don’ts,” but about our status before God. A Christian is someone who – through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection – has the ability to be what God originally created humans to be. Jesus gave us back our humanity and reestablished God’s presence with us. Marriage is a God-ordained covenant between a man and a woman. Sex is a beautiful and good tool, designed for a man and a woman, to unite them in a powerful way. A man and a woman shouldn’t be united that way without commitment; the only commitment strong enough for the binding of sex is a lifelong marriage commitment. Scripture is clear that sex (heterosexual or homosexual) without ultimate commitment is sin.

Homosexuality isn’t God’s design, but he wants to reach and heal the homosexual, as with the liar, thief or adulterer. God loves and will accept you where you are, beginning a transformation that looks different for each person. Jennifer, God’s main desire for you and me is holiness, not heterosexuality (I know plenty of heterosexuals who are in sin!). I’m out of space, but would love sit down over coffee and discuss this issue.