It seems a lot of my friends have been having eye-opening experiences these days, and I thought it was about time for my cat Georgie Fruit and I to expand our philosophical boundaries as well. I suppose that’s why I rented a “Cat Sitter” video from my local new-age bookstore.
New age stores, I discovered, are confusing places filled with even more confusing people who, while accepting the mysteries of the universe for what they are, will fight to the death over the healing power of crystals and the difference between wind chimes and wind bells. After being overwhelmed by the scent of incense, I finally made the choice to rent a video hand picked and designed by cats and for cats. The notion of how exactly a cat without opposable thumbs would be able to edit such a film intrigued me, and so, to the delight of Georgie, I brought it home.
I was unsure as to how immersive a cat-sitting video would be to Georgie, but realizing that he has previously spent up to an hour in the litter box pawing through his own mess, I figured it was worth a shot. The video itself was nothing but a circulation of B-roll footage featuring small mammals running close to the camera, placing nuts or seeds in their mouth, and then running away. To Georgie it was better than “Cloverfield,” which is to say that it was the best movie ever made.
Within minutes he began pouncing at the screen.
I, meanwhile, was as enraptured by the “Cat Sitter” as Georgie was. It wasn’t long before I was eating refrigerated cookie dough while watching him repeatedly paw at the screen in a desperate effort to kill a parrot.
“Get it Georgie!” I yelled. “Get it good!”
Annoyed that death wasn’t within his grasp, he eventually began to calm down on his favorite chair, all the while keeping at least one eye on the screen, which, considering that he’s somewhat cross-eyed, probably wasn’t too difficult for him. After a while however he wandered off, began munching at his food bowl and returned again to his litter box.
Several wordless minutes had passed before I realized that now I was the only one sitting, eating uncooked cookie dough and watching the “Cat Sitter” in the apartment. It was then that I decided I should probably start searching for a job again.
Sometimes it’s hard to say when an eye-opening experience would have been better if the viewers’ eyes had been closed the whole time. Some of my friends had been questioning their own views, and in turn, I have found myself questioning the questions they have been asking. If the only infinitely tangible possessions we have are our relationships, then is it any more right for an individual to judge the validity or potency of those relationships? And why does Tidy Cat do nothing to quell the stench of Georgie’s litter box? All those questions had been brought to my mind, and not all of them are easy to answer.
As for the “Cat Sitter,” I decided it would be in my best interest to leave that in the hands of Georgie Fruit. Maybe someday he’ll know the answer to why there are gerbils on the computer screen, but never behind it.
